Didn't really worry about my assessment. But didn't really feel good about it as well.
Whatever shit comes, I am ready. God has planned the future.
O levels also C5. Now still in Nafa. Why worry now.
Today waited for my turn to go in for the critic.
While waiting I sat infront of the lift. I allowed myself to think about you.
Early morning you knocked me with the things you said.
You're only afraid when you care.
I swear, I am not afraid of anything or anyone except you.
Never allowed a guy to shout at me. Never allowed a guy to make me stop talking.
Never wanted you to live. Because the person I'm most afraid of gives me the most security.
I gave you the authority. But it wasn't this way.
You see, there is always two sides to a story.
I love you, you like me, as a friend.
That's how things ended. Because you believe I'm crossing the line and I believe you can't get what I see.
You are behaving more than a friend.
I sat infront of the lift, thinking about the things you would do during an art exam.
You were never afraid. Not because you aren't. Because of your last minute works. It made you so tired.
Your english, so fluent that it could back you up for any situation.
I would try my best till the very end, but never find my work any better than yours.
Yes, I'm also afraid of your capability.
But I never once was competetive about it.
I never wanted to be better than you. I rather submit to the fact that you will always be better. Like a girl towards a boy. Not like me now, always want to keep climbing and climbing.
Still, reserving for the first spot for you.
I know many can't get it. I said I am over him and yet I keep talking and talking about him.
I really don't know who he is now.
When ever I see him with many people, I really don't know who he is. The way he behaves he totally different when I am with him. Just me and him.
I don't care about his motives.
I only keep those memories. They are nutrients to my art work as well. I do not love anymore.
I just like to remember I once did.
My life, completely died when I know he moved away. My life, no longer belongs to me.
It's daddy's. I find comfort in his love for me and do love him and my family and friends.
Love have many kinds. And the once I've lost are those for the opposite gender.
If he ever come back, I think I would say yes, give up being an artist and just think about being a house wife.
Hahah that's funny.
It will never happen :)
It's time to go off. Tmr going shopping with Desiree and Rachel! Holidays!
I'm tearing. I don't know which is hurting. I think it's my eyes. Too sensitive to the light. Not my heart. Can't feel it. Gosh. Hahah.
Everything I did for you I gave my heart and soul.
Shhhsh. Going to go off. Nights :)
Posted last Wednesday, November 30, 2011 