have difficulty doing my homework.
i am left with little negative emotions.
left with little memories of you.
i see you in pain. and remember how you would tell me about your tears. while i listen i cry. never wanted to see you in pain. never hated you for being weak. love you even more so that you would be strong.
when i am dumb, you would guide me. when i am afraid you would hold my hands.
now, i am no longer dumb or afraid. not because i am strong. it's because you're not that anymore.
i have to be, not that i want to.
i took that love for you and turned them into different emotions.
into strengths. a strength that keeps me going and makes me smiles. a strength that pushes me down so that i can cry to feel better. a strength to hate you and force myself to keep improving. that hate, to forget you.
and when i forget you i realise all these strengths are gone as well.
it was me, that told everyone that asked. i said i dont like you and never will.
i was lying because i am afraid it would troubled you.
it all ended without anyone realising. i know when it did.
when we finished our art paper 2.
it all ended. even in the computer lab, we've already stopped being like how we used to.
i have to paint now. without you this time.
without you chasing around with your spray can and brushes. with you varnishing my work with me.
without you holding my tap. without you praising my ideas. without you sitting by my side.
stop.
she will never love you like how i do.
but i know whoever you need now ain't one that really loves you.
it is one that you really would love. and the love, like how i love you.
:) i am tough, not even a tear for you boy.
all these thoughts just slows me down. so tired. like 3 years just flew passed.