Was playing my keyboard just now. Had lots of feelings while I played Gymnopedie.
Even if it's just a portion of it.
Today's assessment seems pretty well. God bless :)
Thank you Daddy for all you've given me.
Watching lords of cartoons recently.
Also watching shows that were suppose to inspire me.
Maybe only corspe bride did.
So many things to say. Nobody to talk to.
So many answers in my head. No questions to respond to.
My art is becoming so normal. And blessed. God sort of have his ways in putting favor upon stuffs.
But my art is losing it's original intention. Sad, painful, disgusting, eccentric meaning that comes out from my brain naturally because these feelings were part of me.
It wasn't intentional.
Now I seem to be trying to remember love. No, nothing comes out from my head.
Even his memories are getting more and more vague.
That feeling, so distant.
I am just lost. Numb. Happy, blessed, eccentric, in pain, crazy.
You guys don't know how it feels to feel all these at the same time.
How hard is it to remain calm. God blesses me and tells me don't worry. My illness is getting into my head. Never panicking over anything. So many contradictions that I seem to be typing rubbish.
I can't have him back. I cannot.
I still love him. But god loves me and he is able to take that love away.
sometimes it feels like it's taken away. Sometimes I am so empty I take in everything again.
Gymnopedie. Keeps me in peace. And reminds me of you.
Makes me think about you for awhile. Keeps me safe.
When the song ends, I go insane and spams the reply button.
Nothing is replaying except the song.
ARGH.