Never ever blog when you're angry or feeling horrible like crap.
I felt that much when I got back my results.
Very disappointed with myself.
Disappointed with the God I really trust.
Even if my future will be good, I cherish every art exam I take.
I know I am not as hardworking, or as talented or smart.
Yet still so unsatisfied.
I am angry with myself, angry with my believes, and my abilities.
After so many years, still can't get any better.
Am so scared of Cs. Remember my O level art.
I forgot that burning passion for art. Forgot about you, forgot about myself.
Kept doing and doing and couldn't figure out what I was doing here.
No joy, no sadness to express. Life, too peaceful. Too empty with you around.
Was hoping for you to tell me it's okay. But that hope sort of brought me lower.
Didn't go to church. I can't bring myself to it.
Feel so naked. People might think it's only grades. But art is like my life to me.
I, at least would hope to be good in something.
In the end I was only good in what I like, and for history, that fucked up tony ruin my interest for it.
I question myself. What am I doing. What do I want to do. What am I good at.
One of my lecturers once told me that nobody can be good in everything in art.
I shall carry on with a angry and revengeful heart. I want to score well.
I shall depend more on myself.
Shall not let anything distract me.
Shall just get well soon.
And hope that God might want to do something.
Good bye (: